Bittersweet...

So midterms presentations have come and gone and after all of it I am left with many different feelings about it all…. First let me start at the beginning. When I first got my client I really battled with deciding what treatment to do with him. He was not as “bad” as the other clients. He did not have this long term intense alcohol or drug problem, he did not completely lack any insight into his problems and he did not come from a broken or dysfunctional home. I sat for hours on end trying to figure him out, researching, thinking about this thinking about that and doubting myself the entire time until all of a sudden it all just made sense to me and I had this clear picture of what I needed to do with him. But I worked hard, really really hard at everything to do with this client and his treatment. So when I did my presentation I did everything I could to paint the picture that I had in my head for the people listening so that they could understand my client and what he needed the way I did. Receiving the positive feedback that I got from the supervisors gave me such a happy feeling inside but also this feeling of a huuuuuge relief. Relief that what had made sense in my head had made sense in the heads of professionals. What I was even happier about was that what I had been doing with my client was right which meant I was helping him and making a difference which for me is the biggest reward.

But now two days later after thinking about all that happened on presentation day I am feeling a little scared and worried. Now that I have set this standard for myself, what happens if in finals I do not achieve what I did now?  I don’t want to be the person who goes backwards when everyone else shows huge improvement. Maybe I had it easy this time?.... I am going to do all I can, work twice as hard if I have to to understand my new client the way I understood this one because that feeling of just knowing what to do and how was incredible. Maybe I should be seeing this as a challenge to myself to outdo my last performance, take it to the next level.

So mixed feelings about presentation day but from another perspective it was a great day of learning. Although we all stress ourselves out about it, at the end of the day it’s just a day to figure out where you went wrong, where you went right and why which is a great opportunity so that we can do what we need to to improve for finals, when it really counts. Seeing what the others students have been up to at their prac sites was really interesting and it was great for us to see where they were going right or wrong for next year when we find ourselves at those placements. I personally just feel there is too much negativity around midterms and maybe we should start being grateful that we get a chance to ‘mess up’ and be told why so that we can fix it….